“Down the slide, down the slide!”

Entry 5.2 / 13th to 17th June 2022

We had training day Thursday, meeting various other new co-workers who would be working alongside us internationals – the American workers. It was fairly overwhelming, especially when I was separated from the other internationals. I understood it was the camp’s officials’ way of encouraging us to interact with the American workers and make friends with them. However, even if there was just one other international with me, I would have felt more comfortable.

            But I got through it, mentally patting myself on the back as I eventually found Lewis amidst all the chaos. Training had just finished, so everyone was either engaged in conversations with one another or trying to find their way out of the camp to go home.

            As we had to wait for transport to the university campus, half of us internationals found ourselves waiting.

            “Where is everyone?” I asked Lewis once I made my way over to him.

            Lewis looked around the crowds, “I think some of them are going to the pool, and another lot going to play a card game.” He looked down to me, “has anyone said anything in the chat?”

            Digging my phone out of my bag, I saw a few messages. “Janet said her, Ryan and Alan are at Metropohis if anyone wants to join them.” I thought about it, as I was curious about the massive indoor (but outdoor?) playground when I first saw it on the tour. “I’m gonna go, wanna come too?”

            Lewis shrugged. “Sure.”

            After a ten-minute walk away from the crowds, we discovered the three lounging around just outside the playground entrances. I can’t recall exactly how we reached this point, but we decided to have races around the massive playground. The goal was to reach the opposite side of the entry of where we started – which there was four. The person not participating would film the race and time it.

            We all took turns. At times, the race involved four people, while other times it was just three or two. Eventually, it was narrowed down to one person, and we timed whoever was going around the entire playpen. The person with the shorter time would emerge as the winner.

            At one point, during my timing, I got down one of the slides and was confused of where to go next.

            “We can’t help you!” Lewis called out.

            I heard Janet next. “Oi, she helped you.”

            “Did she?” Lewis replied, dumbfounded.

            “Yeah.” Ryan affirmed.

            “Oh sorry! I didn’t hear!” Lewis apologised, followed by low chuckling.

            I let out a puff of laughter myself as I climbed to the top of the playpen. “I see where the loyalty is Lewis!”

            Once I was at the top, Ryan called out. “Down the slide, down the slide!”

            Lewis then came in. “Yeah, you’ve gone too high! You have to go down the slide now!”

            I then gestured to the small gap that led over a small bridge to the next area of the playpen. “What about down there?!”

            “Just go in there!” Ryan exclaimed back, gesturing to the slide.

            Small laughter had crackled among them.

            “Keep going up!” A shout came once I slid down the slide once more and I rolled my eyes with a barely contained smile, catching on to what they were doing.

            It was so liberating, reminiscent of childhood. I was certain that the much younger version of myself would have immensely enjoyed this experience – just running around, acting like an idiot, and simply having fun.

            Sometime during our races, Courtney reached out on the chat and asked if she could join us. I enthusiastically invited her, and she came to join our group.

            It felt great to be a part of something so absurd yet memorable. I could easily envision myself, years and years from now, retelling the story of racing around a playground, repeatedly hitting my head, and ungracefully sliding down the slides within it to emerge victorious.

            That thought was enough to keep the smile on my face for the reminder of the night.

***

On Friday evening, after a long days’ work, one of the camp officials had announcement to make.

            “Right! Since you’ve all done a lot of hard work and made us ahead of schedule, we have decided to give you guys the whole weekend off!” The camp official explained, which was quickly met by a roar of approval.

            It wasn’t a massive surprise, as another camp official had informed us earlier in the day that if we got enough done, we could have our first official weekend off. Still, it was a relief to receive confirmation on it.

            “Friday nights are Brazen Nights!” Someone yelled out, clear on what they were planning on their first night of freedom of the week.

            Nope. I decided, definitely not for me.

***

Fortunately, I wasn’t the only one who decided that Brazen Nights weren’t entirely for them. I went out for dinner with Lewis and Courtney, heading to the local diner that I couldn’t help but fall in love with. We chatted, sharing the excitement of officially seeing NYC for the first time tomorrow.

            Well, second first time for me.

            It was truly relaxing, with no pressure and no loudness – just a calming evening that led us to sitting by a lake at a nearby park. We simply watched the day come to an end, feeling anticipation for the next.

“Why not?”

Entry 5.1 / 13th to 17th June 2023

The following week involved the activities we had gradually become accustomed to in the days leading up to Sunday. Organising such a large camp required a substantial team, which is why they had us arrive two weeks early.

            To mu relief, I was assigned to relatively straightforward tasks such as sorting through and cleaning Lego pieces, moving boxes, and eventually, scraping off names on benches while also cleaning them. Although these tasks might have seemed trivial, as a writer, I understood that even the smallest details contribute to the overall design. So, despite cursing the universe for the challenging task of scraping off names, I embraced the significance of the broader picture.

            I was even more grateful to have these tasks instead of sanding down the wooden benches of the stage area. Sometime during the week, on a night after it rained, I experienced a bad hay-fever reaction (referred to as allergies in the USA) within the farm location, which triggered off my low-level asthma. I didn’t know sanding wood would have the same effect, but I was relieved not to find out.

            It wasn’t all bad. I got to know a few more co-workers in the process, especially Janet and Ryan, a couple who had decided to work at the camp before their big move to Canada. Initially, I thought they were married due to their closeness and interactions. However, I was surprised to learn that they had only been together for roughly a year.

            ‘Damn,’ the responsible voice came in, more in awe than shock. ‘Imagine trusting someone that much after a year to move to Canada?’

            I smiled, watching the two interact. Good for them.

            During the phase of getting to know each other, myself, Janet, Ryan, Lewis, and another co-worker, Alan, listened to music while working on removing names from the benches within the girls’ bunks. The relaxed atmosphere shifted when an iconic song thundered through.

            As the beat of ‘We Will Rock You’ picked up, so did we. Setting down our tools, we stomped our feet and slapped our hands at the appropriate times. I laughed as I observed us moving in perfect harmony with the song, feeling uplifted and a bit more free. More connected.

***

The week went on, and my connections with fellow co-workers deepened, especially with Janet and Ryan. I primarily conversed with Ryan about his travels, as he had been to various places. Travel was a hopeless dream for me. I had planned to explore throughout 2020 and managed to visit Amsterdam.

            But then the universe had other plans. The world had other plans.

            Now that dream became that – a dream.

            Interestingly, I found inspiration to travel through a true crime segment. It reminded me of the time I had almost signed up for Camp Leaders (another company for camps in America), and here I was.

            “You can definitely do it.” Ryan had told me, his eyes singing with encouragement.

            I smiled. “I do want too, but money and work will get in the way.”

            “You do know you can work when you’re travelling, right?” Janet piped in with an eyebrow raised.

            “Yeah, I know, but that’s more for people who have a solid career. I’m only care worker – or, was. And a writer.” I shrugged, “that’s not a hundred percent a solid career.”

            Ryan shook his head. “Not always. Australia doesn’t necessarily require a solid career for their Working Holiday Visa.”

            Something in me stood still. My mind rotating to a room I sat in almost a year ago, where the prospect of Australia also came up. “Australia?”

            Ryan nodded. “Right now, their requirements are that you work somewhere that adds to their country for at least three months. Like working on a farm. And you don’t have to have all the skills for that as they teach you.”

            I thought about it for a moment before a laugh left me. “I couldn’t go to Australia!” I shook my head in disbelief. “The spiders are way too big!”

            Ryan laughed, “to be honest it’s not as bad as they make it seem. But I wouldn’t rule it out, especially if you want to travel. You can make some good money out there for that, especially if you work on a farm.”

            “Do you really see me doing that?”

            “Why not?” Janet asked.

            I stopped short of an answer, feeling voices – not my inner monologues but echoes of the past. Voices of people casting doubt, belittling, and disbelief. I had come a long way from those voices; I knew what I was capable of. I had proven it time and time again. Yet, insecurities still lingered, voiced by those irritating echoes. They were akin to cartoon villains, grating against the skin like bricks on a grater.

            Could I? I thought, as Ryan and Janet conversed with others nearby as I ate the rest of my dinner.

            ‘Why not?’ The bright voice repeated.

***

Disclaimer

This blog is a personal diary, and the content shared here is based on my own experiences, thoughts, and opinions. I am not a professional in any field, and the information provided on this blog is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

I do my best to ensure the accuracy and validity of the content I share, but I cannot guarantee the completeness or timeliness of the information. The content may evolve or change over time as I continue to learn and grow.

Please keep in mind that any advice, tips, or recommendations I provide are based on my personal experiences and should not be considered as professional advice. Before making any decisions or taking actions based on the content of this blog, I recommend consulting with qualified professionals or experts in the relevant field.

I am not responsible for any consequences that may arise from following the information provided on this blog. Your use of this blog and its content is at your own discretion and risk.

I value respectful and constructive discussions, so I welcome comments and feedback. However, I reserve the right to moderate and remove comments that are offensive, spammy, or violate the blog’s policies.

By accessing and using this blog, you agree to abide by this disclaimer and all applicable laws and regulations.

Thank you for visiting and reading my blog. I hope you find it interesting and enjoyable.

The Crying Rock

Entry 4.2 / 12th June 2022

I ran.

           I ran, ran, ran and ran.

           Lungs became my enemy, and the unforgiving terrain added to my distress. But I didn’t stop. My mind echoed with various thoughts and memories in different directions. Despite the chaos, I pressed on with my run, hoping the exercise would help settle the struggles.

            I hadn’t planned on resuming to exercise today. I thought it would be a good idea to designate the rest of the day for relaxation. However, on the way back to the university campus, everyone talked about their homes and their homesickness, discussing how they were in touch with their families. I sat there, attempting to be understanding and supportive, but…

            I just felt entirely abnormal.

            I was utterly confused by everything. I didn’t know how to process my emotions or what to think about the absence of certain feelings.

            So, I started to jog, then eventually run, around the university campus. Initially, it was challenging to figure out the layout and where I could go. Images of Alice wandering through the forest, confused on her path, jumped into my mind as I craned my neck a little before following the next corner. Eventually, I stumbled upon a nature area. There was a lake nestled in the middle, and the pathway circled around it. With the sunset casting a warm glow from the distance, I halted, the sight so breathtaking it almost felt fictional.

            The run then transitioned into a brisk walk as I absorbed the surroundings. Quickly feeling much more at ease, I found a spot on the grass in front of the lake. A tree hanging over me, I just sat there, experiencing each thought, every emotion. Letting the beauty of the day’s end caress me as I finally paused.

            And then burst into tears.

***

I returned to the university dorms, determined to head straight for the shower. I needed to scrub my body from all the jogging and icky heat sweat, and my face so that no one would could see the inner turmoil going on within me.

            However, the universe did not comply with that stubborn request.

            Upon returning to my room to grab a new set of clothes and toiletries, there was a knock on the door. I looked up to the half-opened door to see Daphne standing there.

            “Hey! You alright?” Seating myself on my bed, I gestured Daphne to enter the room with a forced smile.

            Daphne closed the door behind her and slowly entered the room. “Yeah, I’m good. Me and the boys decided to take a hike around the university campus earlier. Shattered now.” She took a seat on Becky’s bed opposite me. “How was Target?”

            I nodded. “Yeah, it was good. I managed to get some food for tonight and got a little bag for days and nights out.” I dug it out and presented it to Daphne.

            “Oh wow that’s well cute.” I passed it along to Daphne who examined it with interest. “How much was it?”

            “Around twenty dollars. It didn’t come from Target though. After we shopped there we went up to Burlington’s.” I explained, feeling a bit lighter talking about my purchase. “Admittedly, I could’ve gotten a much cheaper bag but I liked this one due to the lion symbol. Total Leo moment.”

            Daphne grinned as she eyed over the symbol. “It’s really cute.” She then looked back up to me as she passed the bag back over. She titled her head suddenly, “are you okay?”

            I forced another smile then. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just tired.” That’s not exactly a lie.

            Daphne wasn’t convinced. “Are you sure? If you wanted to talk about something, I’m a good listener…”

            I shook my head, “I don’t want to bother you, or anyone.”

            “You’re not. I’m offering.”

            With kindness radiating in Daphne’s eyes, I opened my mouth to speak, but then noise came from the hallway, causing my hesitancy to return.

            Seeing this, Daphne sat up. “Why don’t we go outside? To The Crying Rock?”

            My nose crinkled in confusion. “The Crying Rock?”

            Daphne smirked a little. “Yeah. I’ve had a few therapy sessions with people on that rock already when I’ve gone for a smoke. Seemed an appropriate name.”

            I snorted, “give me ten minutes to shower and I’ll meet you at The Crying Rock.”

            “Cool, gives me enough time to get my vape as well.”

            I laughed as I grabbed my things and followed Daphne out of the room.

***

The Crying Rock was located just outside the entrance of the university dorms building, and oddly, it was quite comfortable to sit on.

            Feeling less uneasy after my shower and Daphne satisfied with her vape, we talked. I shared everything I was feeling, everything I had experienced, and everything I was expecting and missing. I cried more; Daphne comforted me and offered me words that will stay with me for some time.

            That night, I slept a bit more comfortably.

Official Americans?

Entry #4.1 / 12th June 2022

The Sunday marked our first official day off. With everyone thoroughly exhausted from adapting to the new environment, managing the workload, and the previous night out, most decided against venturing into the Big Apple. I was among them – acknowledging my limits. I understood that if I attempted to squeeze in a trip to the city with my body and mind being in disarray, I would reach the end of my tether before the actual work even began.

            A few people did venture into the city, and I was partly amazed and impressed by their energy. Damn, I wish I had that kind of stamina.

            ‘Well,’ the bright voice popped in. ‘You are a few years older than them.’

            Is it possible to give a middle finger to myself? Probably not.

           However, I didn’t stay in. since the days off meant we had to provide our own food, I joined a few others on the train to White Plains, and we visited Target. We had embarked on a mini-Target shopping trip during the week, and my enthusiasm was off the charts. I believe that was the first time I revealed a bit of my weirdness to everyone.

            This time, after our little Target shop, we went exploring in other shops in the area. One of them being Burlington – which was basically TKMaxx (TJMaxx, as we are in America) but a little downgraded. In there, I managed to find a little bag that I could take with me on future days out or possible nights out.

            Once everyone was satisfied with their shopping, we all made our way back to the train station at a leisurely pace.

            Drinking a smoothie that I got from Starbucks on our way out, I perked up with a question. “Hey! Since we’ve now shopped in Target, does that make us official Americans?” Taking another slip of my drink, I carried on. “Or do we need to shop at Walmart’s next?”

***

Disclaimer

This blog is a personal diary, and the content shared here is based on my own experiences, thoughts, and opinions. I am not a professional in any field, and the information provided on this blog is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

I do my best to ensure the accuracy and validity of the content I share, but I cannot guarantee the completeness or timeliness of the information. The content may evolve or change over time as I continue to learn and grow.

Please keep in mind that any advice, tips, or recommendations I provide are based on my personal experiences and should not be considered as professional advice. Before making any decisions or taking actions based on the content of this blog, I recommend consulting with qualified professionals or experts in the relevant field.

I am not responsible for any consequences that may arise from following the information provided on this blog. Your use of this blog and its content is at your own discretion and risk.

I value respectful and constructive discussions, so I welcome comments and feedback. However, I reserve the right to moderate and remove comments that are offensive, spammy, or violate the blog’s policies.

By accessing and using this blog, you agree to abide by this disclaimer and all applicable laws and regulations.

Thank you for visiting and reading my blog. I hope you find it interesting and enjoyable.

Night Out

Entry #3 / 11th June 2022

As the workday on Saturday drew to a close, it was unanimously decided that we would be heading out for the night to the neighbouring city of White Plains. Since we were given the Sunday off to relax, it was the perfect opportunity for most people to explore the alcoholic drinks of America.

            Meh. I first thought in response to the murmurings of going on a night out, but pushed those feelings aside. The whole point of this experience was to push me out of my comfort zone, to socialise, and let my hair down.

            Before long, I found myself in my dorm room, contemplating what to wear for the night – something both nice and comfortable. Just as I got a good idea of what would work, there was a knock on the open door to the room and I glanced up to see one of my new co-workers, Daphne.

            Among all the internationals, Courtney, Lewis and Daphne were the ones I felt most comfortable with. Daphne most of all, her sassy attitude reminding me a bit of my big sister Zara.

            “Hey,” Daphne started as she wondered into the room. “You going out tonight?”

            I nodded and was momentarily surprised by the natural grin that came upon my face. “Yep! Once I decided what to wear at least. You?”

            “Yeah, but I don’t have much to wear.” She flopped down on my bed with a heavy sigh, and a wave of guilt and sympathy washed over me. Unlike the rest of us who had known for weeks about coming to camp, Daphne had only been informed just two days prior due to complications with her application. So, she didn’t have much time to prepare.

            I pursed my lips, going through items of clothing mentally. “Got any good tops?”

            “Yeah, but no bottoms.”

            “I got some,” I started to my walk-in wardrobe. “If you want them?”

            Daphne’s face lit up, though she looked uncertain. “Are you sure?”

            “I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t sure.” I handed over my GAP dark blue denim shorts. “I would try them on first though.”

            Daphne took the shorts, shooting me a thankful grin. “Thank you so much! You’re a star! Come to my room once you’ve changed!”

            I returned the grin. ‘See!’ The bright voice countered as I prepared my outfit for the night. ‘You’re making friends!

            Instead of uncertainty, I felt the same positive energy that the brightness in me did.

***

A few hours after helping Daphne and other women with their outfits for the night, we eventually arrived at the place everyone had been talking about – The Brazen Fox. I believe it was some kind of sports bar, and fortunately, it served food until a certain time.

            The night went on, and eventually, after everyone had eaten, we found ourselves in the back outside area of the bar. Fortunately, it was warm enough to hang out, and I found myself engaging in conversations with various people. However, I grappled with a mix of surprise and lack of surprise when mini dramas started to unfold.

           I’m really am back at school. I then rethought that mental statement, college actually.

            As the only non-drinker, I found myself gradually becoming bored and tired. This was a significant reason why I wasn’t a big fan of nightlife. I had struggled with this during my university days. Although I had enjoyed good nights our since, mostly with friends I made during my master’s degree, it wasn’t a regular occurrence. Moreover, it was around people I felt secure and safe with.

            It wasn’t that I felt unsafe around those I was with currently. However, I didn’t know them, and coupled with the fact that I was already exhausted before going out, I felt out of my depth.

            Eventually, in the middle of a conversation, a yawn came over me.

            “Wow,” Mary said from beside me. “That’s got to be your tenth yawn tonight.”

            I nodded, accepting the defeat as I drowned the last bit of my water. “I think I’m about done. You wanting to go back or stay a bit longer?”

            “I’m gonna stay a bit longer, but thanks anyway.” Mary had replied and I gave her a smile before heading off to find anyone else who wanted to call it quits.

            It didn’t take me long to find two others who wanted to go back to the university campus with me.

            “I’m not going to get blistering drunk and stay out all night.” One of them had commented with a shake of their head. “That’s not entertaining for me.”

            “Agreed.” I stated and I booked an Uber for us to get back.

Disclaimer

This blog is a personal diary, and the content shared here is based on my own experiences, thoughts, and opinions. I am not a professional in any field, and the information provided on this blog is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

I do my best to ensure the accuracy and validity of the content I share, but I cannot guarantee the completeness or timeliness of the information. The content may evolve or change over time as I continue to learn and grow.

Please keep in mind that any advice, tips, or recommendations I provide are based on my personal experiences and should not be considered as professional advice. Before making any decisions or taking actions based on the content of this blog, I recommend consulting with qualified professionals or experts in the relevant field.

I am not responsible for any consequences that may arise from following the information provided on this blog. Your use of this blog and its content is at your own discretion and risk.

I value respectful and constructive discussions, so I welcome comments and feedback. However, I reserve the right to moderate and remove comments that are offensive, spammy, or violate the blog’s policies.

By accessing and using this blog, you agree to abide by this disclaimer and all applicable laws and regulations.

Thank you for visiting and reading my blog. I hope you find it interesting and enjoyable.