Entry 8 / 20th to 23rd June 2022
The NYC high lingered on the Monday as we returned back to work. Everyone in such good spirits that I felt the insecurities of “fitting in” slimmer away.
After work on Monday, I joined a couple of the girls from the internationals group by one of the pools. It seemed to be the go-to-spot for chilling out, as almost everyone gathered there after a long day’s work. Besides, the scorching heat made it essential to cool down. Most people were in the pools, while others lounged beside it, dipping their feet or legs into the refreshing water.
It was really nice getting to know everyone, especially those of different cultures.
Interestingly, later that night, upon returning to the university campus, most of the internationals decided to play hide and seek. They scattered, concealing ourselves in various spots around the campus grounds and inside our residential building.
When I say most, it was pretty much everyone – except me.
Looking back, this may have added to the insecurities resurfacing, but at the same time…
I wasn’t used to being around so many people twenty-four seven.
Although I had a half-sister from my maternal side, Gretchen, we weren’t close. Growing up, I was effectively an only child from my Dad’s side. While I had friends in the neighbourhood and at school, those interactions were limited, and even when opportunities arose, I often preferred solitude. As a child, I relished being immersed in my own fantasy worlds, feeling that sharing them would somehow dimmish their magic.
As secondary school began, I found socialising challenging; half the time, I struggled to navigate social cues and politeness. It was exhausting to keep up. I often found myself saying the wrong thing or unintentionally acting impolite.
As I got older and once, I got better with my better health, dealing with social interactions got better. But it was still just as exhausting.
‘Social exhaustion,’ the responsible voice labelled it at one point.
I anticipated this when I signed up for Camp America. That’s why, when I initially applied between 2016-2017, I didn’t follow through with it. I didn’t think I could handle it at the time. But now, I believed I could, and I saw it as an opportunity for personal growth. It would push me to be more social and help make new friends.
But there was only so much social change that one person could take.
So, I decided to skip the hide-and-seek adventures in favour of some downtime.
Luckily, I stumbled upon an unoccupied room in the university campus where I could retreat. I nestled myself there with my tarot cards, crystals, and earphones, engaging in meditation, conducting a reading, and simply unwinding. It was a moment to reconnect with myself and find my centre once again.
***
The remainder of the week was filled with further camp preparation and training. We were briefed about the upcoming pre-camp open day, where parents could visit the camp, meet the counsellors, and learn more about the program. Each of us was assigned specific roles for the event.
In keeping with the back-to-school vibe, a few dramas unfolded throughout the week. It was challenging to remain detached, especially when it involved people I’d grown to like and care about. While the wise and balanced adult in me urged to ignore it and advise others to do the same, it felt reminiscent of that How I Met Your Mother episode – being in an environment or with people that evoke a certain time and age makes it hard not to revert backward.
I tried to separate myself from it a little by the end of the week. Realising that this wasn’t how I wanted to remember the camp experience.
It wasn’t all bad though. The school atmosphere helped when meeting and getting to know our fellow American workers. It was nice being around fresh faces – though I can’t hundred percent say by the end of the week they could say the same about us.
As, at one point, as we all gathered around a stage area and playing some kind of game, one of the international camp workers was brought on.
Just after he gave his answer to whatever question was given into the microphone, he ended his performance by declaring: “God save the Queen!”
I physically face palmed myself as a few international staff around me, mainly those from the UK too, looked mortified.
‘Is it too late to say we don’t know him?’ The bright voice questioned.
