The Generator

Entry #15.1 / 30th June to 1st July 2022

Thursday followed Wednesday’s lead, maintaining the hectic pace of summer camp life. Similar to yesterday, I had assistance with the eighteen kids, and the group leader became a bit more involved, especially since I refused to switch off.

            “Rose,” the group leader said in a commanding voice at lunch time. “Sit down, take a breath.”

            I complied with the instruction, recognising that my body couldn’t possibly maintain the pace I was trying to keep up.

            However, despite the chaos reminiscent of what my second day should have been, I was gradually getting into the swing of things. While uncertainty lingered in some areas, my confidence was steadily growing.

            Thursday morning found me even more excited as the weekend approached, which lifted my mood. Knowing that everything was booked and assured added to my anticipation.

            That was until I got back to the university campus and looked at my emails.

            “What the actual fuck?” I said, glaring at the email as if it personally affronted me.

            “What?” Becky asked, standing by her desk searching for something before I spoke.

            Though, I hadn’t even realised I verbalised my thoughts.

            I shook my head, not willing to share my stress. “Nothing. Just something has come up.” I closed my laptop and shot up from my bed, “see ya!”

            I sped walked to Janette and Ryan’s room, knocking and waiting for the “come in!”

            “I think I need some help.” I mumbled nervously as I entered the room, not continuing until the door was fully closed behind me. “The hostel I’m staying at said the card I used for the booking has been declined. I checked my card and it has the money, so I don’t know what the issue is.”

            Both Janette and Ryan read the emailed and looked up the hostel I had booked.

            “It seems a bit dodgy if you ask me,” Ryan concluded after ten minutes of researching the hostel. “The fact that the email doesn’t look very professional is a bit worrisome too.”

            “Do you think I should look for something else then?” I asked, concern enveloping my bones. “Do you think I could find something else now? With it being Independence Weekend?”

            “Just have a look around,” Ryan advised. “And try not to worry, we’ll figure something out.”

            Upon returning to my room, I promptly cancelled my hostel booking using the Hostelworld App. I began researching other hostels and even hotels in the area. As expected, prices had surged due to the long weekend, triggering a brief moment of panic.

            Then I slapped myself out of it. Both mentally and physically.

            My cheek stung as my thoughts screamed – snap out of it!

            Understanding the issue right now was to be calm enough to solve the first issue, I decided to go out for a jog. Get out the panic attack-ness from my system and return with a clearer, more composed mindset to tackle the issue.

            That did happen, and upon revisiting my options, I stumbled upon another hostel. It was a bit pricier than the previous one, but it appeared much nicer – well, at least the pictures gave that impression compared to the others.

            The Generator was what the hostel was called, and I hope it was as nice in person as the pictures were.

***

Disclaimer

This blog is a personal diary, and the content shared here is based on my own experiences, thoughts, and opinions. I am not a professional in any field, and the information provided on this blog is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

I do my best to ensure the accuracy and validity of the content I share, but I cannot guarantee the completeness or timeliness of the information. The content may evolve and change over time as I continue to learn and grow.

Please keep in mind that any advice, tips, or recommendations I provide are based on my personal experiences and should not be considered as professional advice. Before making any decisions or taking actions based on the content of this blog, I recommend consulting with qualified professionals or experts in the relevant field.

I am not responsible for any consequences that may arise from following the information provided on this blog. However, I will do my best to ensure any sensitive topics will be warned prior to each post. Your use of this blog and its content is at your own discretion and risk.

I value respectful and constructive discussions, so I welcome comments and feedback. However, I reserve the right to moderate and remove comments that are offensive, spammy, or violate the blog’s policies.

By accessing and using this blog, you agree to abide by this disclaimer and all applicable laws and regulations.

Thank you for visiting and reading my blog. I hope you find it interesting and enjoyable.

A Missing Concern

Echo #2 / 2008

YES!” I exclaimed; arms sprang upwards in victory.

            My hand instinctively reached for the mouse and swiftly clicked on the print button. Excitement coursed through my entire body, making me giddy with anticipation.

            After entering the page numbers, I clicked on the print button and retrieved my backpack. Extracting a light blue folder from it, I left my seat in front of the computer and walked to the school tables positioned in the centre of the vacant room. Meanwhile, the printer whirred behind me as I pulled out the stack of papers from the folder.

            Gazing my fingertips over the top page’s printed words, I felt a prideful grin grow on my face.

            Running my fingertips over the printed words on the top page, I felt a proud grin spread across my face.

            However, familiar laughter cracked through, and I looked up towards the windows. I saw the well-known outside pathways of the school, and with the café/lunch room just to the side. Several students were milling about, walking, and chatting. The familiar laughter rang out again, and that’s when I spotted my friends… Is that what they still are? I wasn’t entirely sure about the status of most of my friendships, but I had once been close to those who were now walking past the windows, laughing.

            I let out a heavy sigh, my eyes wandering back over to the printer.

            “You alright there?”

            I almost jumped out of my skin at the new voice and turned to see Mrs. Connors, one of the heads of the Learning Disability centre at the school. I was currently in one of the two classrooms during break time, my lunch long forgotten as I was too focused on the task at hand.

            “Sorry,” Mrs. Connors smiled brightly, hands held up in peace. “I just heard a shout followed by the heaviest sigh. My curiosity got the better of me.”

            I smiled back, feeling relaxed again. “Yeah I’m good, just…” I gestured to the windows where the people I knew were long gone. “Just saw people I knew.”

            Mrs. Connors smile faltered slightly, grasping her hands in front of her body. “Why don’t you go out? Talk with them? You might be able to have some fun?”

            Anxiety bubbled through me instantly. “I-I…” I shook my head, moving my eyes back outside the windows. “I don’t really want to. It gets too much sometimes. It’s hard to keep up. And I always get something wrong.”

            “I doubt that’s true.” Mrs. Connors reassured, stepping into the room more. “I think you’re just too hard on yourself. Plus, you’re only thirteen, you’re meant to get things wrong from time to time.” She then nodded to the kids that were in eyeshot outside, “I bet all of them have gotten something wrong today – whether in class or in friendships.”

            I looked at Mrs. Connors, the tension in my heart lessening slightly, until I shook my head. “No. I mean, yes, you’re right but… I’m spoilt, selfish, ungrateful, ageist… I’m not really a good friend to have.”

            “Ageist?” Mrs. Connors eyebrows drew together, eyes zoning in on me. “Where on Earth did you hear that?”

            The printer beeped, signalling the end of its printing. I lit up, darting towards the printer to retrieve the freshly printed papers.

            “It’s done!” I piped, spinning back to Mrs. Connors with a wide smirk.

            A bemused smile lifted the corners of Mrs. Connors lips. “Another chapter?”

            “No! Well, yes, but it’s done!” I approached the tables again to slide the fresh prints underneath the pile of other papers. “I finished the story!”

            Mrs. Connor’s smile now matched my own. “Yeah? That’s amazing! What’s the word count?”

            I frowned, “I-I don’t know…”

            “Do you want me to show you where you can locate it on the computer?”

            Slowly I nodded, and once I had gotten the document back up, Mrs. Connors pointed to where the word count was allocated.

            “Rose you’ve written nearly twenty thousand words.” Mrs. Connors congratulated; her voice filled with a type of pride I couldn’t help but blush under. “Do you know how impressive that is?”

            Unsure of what to do, I shrugged. “Well, a lot of those words are ‘and’, ‘the’ and the main character’s name. Plus…” Once saving the document and closing it down, I signed out of the computer. “There’s probably a lot of misspellings in there. Some say dyslexia is a curse.”

            “And you?” Mrs. Connors titled her head, “would you say the same?”

            I sighed, feeling the familiarity of this conversation weigh on me momentarily. “Sometimes but…” Running my fingertips on the top page once more, a little smile returned. “But I’m starting to see the advantages of having a uniquely wired brain.” Then nerves wrecked me as I looked up to Mrs. Connors. “W-would you be able to…”

            Despite how I trailed off, Mrs. Connors knew me well enough to know what I was asking. “I would be honoured to be the first reader.”

            I grinned and carefully slid all the pages back into the light blue folder before handing it over to her.

            “What’s it about?” Mrs. Connors, flicking open the folder briefly to look at the amounts of writing inside.

            I struggled for a moment. “Uhm… about a teenage girl who… runs away from home.”

            Mrs. Connors eyes flickered back to me, a well-known look of concern crossing her features, but she quickly tempered it down. “What’s it called?”

            “Alex Jones.” I stated, “it’s the main character’s name. I thought… since it’s about her story, it should be named after her.”

            Mrs. Connors, “that’s a very insightful way to look at it.”

            I grinned. “And I had another idea – for the next story. It follows a girl named Paris Adams, so the story is named after her, and it’s about bullying.”

            “I’m guessing she’s going to be the bullied victim?”

            To Mrs. Connors surprise, I shook my head. “No. To begin with she will be one of the bullies. But she slowly builds a friendship with the victim and will eventually stand up to her friends.”

            Mrs. Connors was silent for a moment, clearly pondering the story I had proposed. “That’s very… interesting, Rose. Definitely a new way to look and write a story about bullying.” She then nodded outside. “But maybe, before the dive into the next best seller, you should go out and celebrate the current one?”

            I pushed my lips together, anxiety bubbling at the surface. “I don’t…” Struggling to find the right words, I gave myself a minute. “What if I don’t really like it?”

            “What? Friends?”

            I shook my head. “No, I like friends. I’d like to have friends. But… I don’t know, just standing around and talking, or walking about… it kind of gets boring after a while. As well as keeping up with all the social stuff, the boring-ness of it all just gets to me. And writing Alex Jones… I felt excited. Happy. Like I was finally in my element.” I then looked up to meet Mrs. Connors eyes. “Is that a bad thing?”

            Mrs. Connors gave a comforting smile. “No, of course not Rose. If you want to stay here and write, you are more than allowed to do that if that what makes you happy. I’m just concerned because… well, you’re young and I don’t want you to regret anything. I don’t want you to miss out on anything.”

            It wasn’t the first time I heard this. However, this time, it was filled with fewer curse words, horrible names, and accusations. This version was much softer and kinder, something that kinda freaked me out.

            Mrs. Connors grasped my shoulder momentarily. “Just give it a think.” When I nodded in response, she made her way out of the room, with the light blue folder in her hand.

            Am I missing out? I sat at the centre of the tables; my mind filled with my own confusion. Laughter drifted in from outside, drawing my gaze back to the windows. It was still a group of random kids out there, no one I personally knew. But they seemed to be having a great time chatting… About whatever they were chatting about.

            I pursed my lips, suddenly feeling much smaller than I had just minutes before.

Disclaimer

This blog is a personal diary, and the content shared here is based on my own experiences, thoughts, and opinions. I am not a professional in any field, and the information provided on this blog is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

I do my best to ensure the accuracy and validity of the content I share, but I cannot guarantee the completeness or timeliness of the information. The content may evolve and change over time as I continue to learn and grow.

Please keep in mind that any advice, tips, or recommendations I provide are based on my personal experiences and should not be considered as professional advice. Before making any decisions or taking actions based on the content of this blog, I recommend consulting with qualified professionals or experts in the relevant field.

I am not responsible for any consequences that may arise from following the information provided on this blog. However, I will do my best to ensure any sensitive topics will be warned prior to each post. Your use of this blog and its content is at your own discretion and risk.

I value respectful and constructive discussions, so I welcome comments and feedback. However, I reserve the right to moderate and remove comments that are offensive, spammy, or violate the blog’s policies.

By accessing and using this blog, you agree to abide by this disclaimer and all applicable laws and regulations.

Thank you for visiting and reading my blog. I hope you find it interesting and enjoyable.

“Oh… Well, if it helps, I never passed Maths.”

Entry #14.3 / 29th June 2022

After we booked the tickets, we headed towards 7-Eleven in the own centre of the university. We waited briefly for those who usually joined for ice cream Wednesdays, but upon realising they were nowhere near ready, we decided to proceed without them.

            Well, it was more Janette that was doing the deciding.

            “I’m not fucking waiting around for them,” Janette declared. “They can meet us there.”

            It was then I realised why I was so comfortable around Ryan and Janette – Janette, most of all. Not only because they didn’t adhere to the clique system that seemed to be in place, but also because Janette reminded me so much of my sister, Zara. Blunt, outspoken, and prone to swearing, she didn’t care what people thought about her and, from what I observed, often told people exactly what she thought of them.

            This was confirmed when on the walk, discussing the cliques, Janette had said: “Ryan’s had to stop me on several occasions from saying what I think.”

            I snorted out a laugh. “If you feel you’re going to explode with it one day, let me know. I miss the British soaps.”

            Ryan barked out a laugh as Janette grinned.

            “Unless it’s me,” I then said, “I already know my annoying traits, I don’t think I need them broadcasted.”

            “If you were annoying I wouldn’t hang around you.” Janette said, “well, you may be annoying, but those things are something we like about you.”

            I outright laughed then. “It’s what one of my past housemates said about me one point: ‘You’re a pain in the ass Rose, but a respectable pain in the ass.’”

            We then arrived at the 7-Eleven and queued up at the till to pay for our bus tickets. Once Janette had provided all the ticket information to the cashier, I laid out my share of the money along with Ryan and Janette, but there was still a bit left over.

            As Ryan got his wallet out, I got out mine. “I’m slowly getting my money out…” I teased.

            Janette raised an eyebrow towards me. “Rose, it’s your part?”

            I blinked in surprise. “It is? Shit, sorry, my bad!” I quickly got out the left-out money from my purse and handed it over. “I thought it was $130 each?”

            “$132 each.” Janette corrected, her smile showing her clear amusement.

            I looked at the total on the till, “Oh… Well, if it helps, I never passed Maths.”

***

Afterward, we all went to the ice cream place, with Janette and Ryan getting their ice creams and myself a milkshake. We wandered outside just as the others we briefly waited for arrived. A part of me wanted to start walking back, but I stayed with Janette and Ryan while the others got their ice creams. It turned out to be nicer than I thought, although I think that was largely because of the milkshake and how much more comfortable I felt with Janette and Ryan around.

            So, despite the Wednesday having a rough, depressing start, it ended on a good one.

“We always manage to pick up the strays.”

Entry #14.2 / 29th June 2022

The greatest irony of the day was fully waking up once we returned to the university dorms. Typical. Classic me.

            Though, I do think this was more due to excitement than anything else. Myself, Janette, and Ryan would be booking the bus tickets to Washington DC this evening, and the fact that I was going against the crowd, against fitting in, made me feel giddy with excitement.

            ‘Wow, aren’t you a little rebellious one?’ The responsible voice commented.

            ‘Definitely!’ The bright voice beamed.

            “Ryan,” I began hesitantly as Janette typed in all our information into the Greyhound booking site. “You said at one point you’ve been around America?”

            Ryan nodded in confirmation before verbally. “Yeah, a few years ago.”

            I pushed my lips together hesitantly. “Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?”

            He smiled, “yeah. It was really good, I would recommend.”

            I returned the smile, “did you go through any touring company? Or did you manage to get out there yourself?”

            “I got there myself, and I wasn’t alone.” Ryan explained, “someone drove me out there. There was a group of us actually.”

            I frowned. “I can’t drive and…” I glanced behind me, even though we were in the safety of their room. “I think I’m pretty much going to be going solo after camp as –”

            “Wait,” Janette turned to Ryan on the bed. “Go and put the speaker by the door.”

            As Ryan was doing as he was instructed, I narrowed my eyes. “Ugh… Why?”

            “Don’t want anyone listening.” Janette explained.

            I watched then as Ryan put the music playing speaker in front of the door. I didn’t know whether to be weirded out by the action or to be impressed by the thoroughness of it.

            ‘Impressed.’

            “You were saying.” Janette encouraged then.

            I blinked, trying to remember what I was saying. “Yeah… it’s nothing new really. Just after that mini-argument… Well, if I’m being honest, even before then, I’ve noticed a divide between everyone. I thought it was just one group in particular but it’s with everyone. School 101… I don’t think it helps that I’m a bit older than everyone else, and most people are still in uni so are still in the clique mindset. Though, at both school and my first-degree uni, I never meshed well with those groups. Always the outsider.” I breathed out, leaning forward on one of the beds. “So, I think even without the mini-argument I would’ve ended up solo anyway.”

            “Honestly Rose,” Ryan began as he was once back on his bed, his eyes giving me confidence and reassurance. “It’s probably the best thing to ever happen to you. Some of the closest friends I have now I met on my solo travels. The best times I had on those solo travels were with people I just met. As when you’re alone you’re more approachable than being in some big group.”

            I smiled gratefully. “Thanks. I just… I’m excited to go to places that I want too, which the benefit of going at it alone I guess, but… I can’t help but be disappointed a little. I signed up to be making friends, not surrounded by cliques.”

            Janette hummed. “If you want my advice about it, just ignore them. Most of them aren’t going to have a fraction of the experiences we know you’ll have from the solo travels. They’ll be too busy accommodating to each other and wanting to do the ‘cool’ things. Ryan’s right, solo is the best way to go when it comes to travel.”

            “There’s a load of irony in that statement for you two then.” I grinned and they both laughed slightly. “I’m glad though you’re both coming with me on this trip though. Hopefully it will give me confidence for when I finally do go solo.”

            Janette then turned to Ryan with a teasing grin of her own. “We always manage to pick up the strays.”

***

The Child of Friday

Entry #14.1 / 29th June 2022

To say I had a bad start to the day would be incorrect. I had a groggy start to the day – completely out of it. My brain wasn’t yet used to waking up at such an early hour, even if it was necessary; it took forever for it to fully awaken. I am definitely not a morning person, I thought warily as I greedily drank my tea.

            Monday and Tuesday weren’t so bad when I woke up. But Wednesday has always been an enemy of mine. There was a reason why I asked for Wednesdays off at my previous job – it was the middle of the week. The hell in the middle. The what day of the week. I despised Wednesdays.

            That was probably why I woke up feeling like a mummy coming to life. Alongside the exhaustion from the long days at camp, I was physically drained from trying to keep up with everything.

            Janette laughed as she saw me that morning in the school bus, head up against the seat in front of me. “Alright there?”

            I groaned, feeling my whole being dragged back into the pits of sleep without my direct permission. “Is it too late to call a sicky?”

***

I managed to wake up more by the time my morning job finished and made my way to the bunks. Unfortunately, I found out that this was the day I would be solo with eighteen kids. My group leader (my boss) and I thought it would be the last day I would have both of the assistances with me, but it turns out that was yesterday.

            Of course it would happen on a Wednesday.

            ‘Wednesday’s child is full of woe.’

            Good thing I was born on a Friday then.

***

Remember the first day – when I said it was a long but good day? I remember how I returned to dining tents later that evening, tired but feeling food, and hearing all the complaints of other internationals about their hectic day thinking to myself: what are you all talking about?

            Turns out, they weren’t wrong.

            It must be the universe’s way of a practical joke – to have my first day on the third day.

            On a Wednesday.

            After Care managed to cheer me up afterwards, but the deep-rooted exhaustion fully wacked me when I entered the dining tents and plopped myself next to Janette at one of the tables.

            Both Janette and Ryan laughed as my head flopped down onto the table. “Long day?” Ryan was brave enough to ask.

            “Longer than the last two days.” I mumbled; my eyes closed as my forehead rested uncomfortably on the table. “Ugh… I hate Wednesdays.”

            Janette snorted. “I feel you there.”

            “Oh,” Ryan began and I snuck a glance towards him to see him staring out to something behind me. “The dinners are coming out, I’ll get ours.” He then paused in getting up, “do you want me to get yours Rose?”

            “Please…” A yawn took over then, prompting both of them to laugh again, with Janette patting me on the back.

***

Disclaimer

This blog is a personal diary, and the content shared here is based on my own experiences, thoughts, and opinions. I am not a professional in any field, and the information provided on this blog is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

I do my best to ensure the accuracy and validity of the content I share, but I cannot guarantee the completeness or timeliness of the information. The content may evolve and change over time as I continue to learn and grow.

Please keep in mind that any advice, tips, or recommendations I provide are based on my personal experiences and should not be considered as professional advice. Before making any decisions or taking actions based on the content of this blog, I recommend consulting with qualified professionals or experts in the relevant field.

I am not responsible for any consequences that may arise from following the information provided on this blog. However, I will do my best to ensure any sensitive topics will be warned prior to each post. Your use of this blog and its content is at your own discretion and risk.

I value respectful and constructive discussions, so I welcome comments and feedback. However, I reserve the right to moderate and remove comments that are offensive, spammy, or violate the blog’s policies.

By accessing and using this blog, you agree to abide by this disclaimer and all applicable laws and regulations.

Thank you for visiting and reading my blog. I hope you find it interesting and enjoyable.